What teachers and parents need to know about emotional overload and nervous system fatigue.

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When six-year-old Oliver walks out of his classroom, he is smiling and polite, just as he has been all day. His teacher reports that he followed instructions, completed his work and was a kind friend. Yet, within minutes of getting home, Oliver dissolves. The wrong snack sparks tears, his school bag is thrown across the room, and he collapses onto the floor sobbing. 

It’s an all-too-familiar story … the school day has gone well. Your child listened, followed rules, managed friendships, and did their best to stay focused. Then, within minutes of getting home, everything unravels … small frustrations become overwhelming and emotions erupt seemingly out of nowhere. For many families and educators, this puzzling shift is a familiar end-of-day pattern. What looks like sudden misbehaviour is often something far more predictable and human: after-school restraint collapse, a release of the emotional and cognitive effort children have been holding together all day.

To an adult, the shift feels sudden and confusing. For Oliver, it’s the moment his body finally lets go. After hours of concentrating, waiting his turn and managing big feelings in a busy environment, his nervous system has reached its limit. What follows is not defiance or poor behaviour, but a release of the stress and emotions he has been holding in all day.

In essence, restraint collapse happens because children spend hours at school using up their internal “self-control tank.” Throughout the day they navigate rules, social expectations, sensory demands and academic tasks. In doing so, they continually inhibit impulses, manage emotions and maintain attention. By the end of the day, this reservoir of energy is depleted. At home (their safest place) the “lid” comes off and behaviours that were held in all day are finally expressed (Institute of Child Psychology, 2024).

It’s important for teachers and parents to recognise that restraint collapse is biological, not intentional misconduct. It’s not a sign of poor parenting or deliberate defiance, but rather a predictable response to the day’s cognitive and emotional demands (Koslowitz, 2025).

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Here are six evidence-informed ways to support children through this transition that work across home and school settings:

1. Provide a calm decompression period

Avoid asking children to reflect on their day the instant they walk through the door. Open-ended questions like “How was school?” activate parts of the brain that are temporarily taxed after hours of self-control. Instead, allow a quiet settling period before conversation or tasks. Put some music on in the car or make small comments about things you see around you on your walk home. Once home, your child might choose to go to a cozy corner in the living room with cushions and favourite toys or some colouring. Allowing time to decompress can prevent dysregulation.

2. Address basic physical needs first

Often children are dehydrated, hungry or physically uncomfortable after school. Offering a balanced snack, water, and a bathroom break before attempting behavioural expectations helps “reset” the nervous system.

3. Encourage movement and play

Simple movement (e.g. a short walk, jumping, dancing or outdoor play) helps children release physical and emotional tension. It signals a shift from the structured context of school to the safety and freedom of home.

4. Be present with calm coregulation

When a child is overwhelmed, low language, physical proximity, and a soothing presence are more effective than lectures or punishments. Offer a hug, sit with them quietly, and remain open. A calm caregiver helps the child internalise regulation strategies and feel safe to release emotion.

5. Prioritise flexibility over rigid structure

Keeping the same post-school routine can provide children with comfort and stability. However, it’s also important to be flexible when it comes to expectations. Sometimes, your child might need more down time or an earlier bedtime (especially at the start of the school year), so it’s important to be responsive to their changing needs.

6. Reflect and plan later

If your child has experienced restraint collapse, wait until they’ve settled before debriefing the experience. Let your child know that you love them … even when the meltdown monster rears its head. Engaging in gentle conversation about what helps them feel regulated can build self-awareness and coping skills without adding to their immediate stress.

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Understanding restraint collapse helps us to reframe after-school meltdowns as a natural reset, not misbehaviour. It can be helpful for caregivers to remember that you are their safe place and that’s why your child feels they can finally let go when they see you. With patience, structure for regulation, and a focus on body and brain recovery, we can all make this daily transition smoother and more supportive for the young ones in our care.